Today I was farting around thinking about what to do with my day. And I thought… oh I should sell my yo-yos. So I moved stuff out of the closet, took out all the boxes and cases. And I got depressed. I was depressed for several reasons:
- The stuff reminded me how much time/money I’ve wasted.
- It’s a lot of stuff, and selling it at market value is a real chore.
- Despite #1, I still *like* the stuff, even when I know I’ll die someday and it’s not efficient to keep it around… the idea of getting rid of it is unappealing.
I think the core of it is this – I know I want financial freedom, but I don’t emotionally connect with it. I can’t visualize it. In my mind, it’s still more of a theory than a plan. Paying off the condo is a plan – but even after I pay it off, I still have to work, work, work and save, save, save. And since I don’t know what my life will be like when I finish — will I have kids? Will I be married? How old will I be? What will I look like? What state will I be in? Will my parents still be alive?
It’s hard to get excited about it. Honestly, the stuff that excites me is shallow. I want a hot girl. I want a cool home. I want a sports car. I want a beach vacation.
These aren’t exactly what I want. I know they aren’t. I know deep down, I’ll get them, and then I’ll still feel empty at night. To feel better about that, I need to do some teaching… something to make some progress on major problems. I need a family to care about.
But sadly, that family and that teaching work doesn’t emotionally excite me right now, even if it might in the future. So I need to come up with something that will excite me, even if it’s shallow, and frankly even if I don’t actually do it… to motivate me to sell the damn yo-yos.
So what could my future life be like? What parts of my current life am I unhappy about?
Well, let’s start with some shallow bullshit off the top of my head. I want a cute house on a hill in San Francisco, a Porsche, and some hot asian chick. I want to take a vacation to Fiji, and I want to go skiing in Park City. That’s the shallow version. Now let’s think some about it. Well first off, it’s fucking expensive. So if it’s going to be the goal, I’m either going to need to modify it until it’s cheaper or have a plan that actually covers all the costs, including the high fixed property taxes in SF, which definitely could be ~$100k a year.
Hot asian chick:
The Porsche is cool, but it’s a little shitty because traffic is so bad, so on a daily basis I won’t really get to use its power. But who really cares? It’s a Porsche. I guess it’ll look like a tube of toothpaste after I own it for a month.
The hot girl… is a hot girl. We better also get along, since like the Porsche, she’ll look like a tube of toothpaste sooner or later.
Speakers! Yeah, I do like those speakers. They are a $1M net worth thing.
Well… TBH this blog post was a fail. I don’t know what I want and I still don’t feel super excited to sell my stuff. But at least I’m aware of the problem… and that’s a start… right?